Hoochie Mama on the Prowl in the Bay Area

Hello from Austin Chick. I have been a bad blogger of late due to loads of crappity-crap crap crap going on... but, I'll be back later this week with some new fun stories from Austin. For now, please enjoy this email I recently received from my college friend Michele who is now living in the Bay Area... and has found herself a walking fetish.

Fetishized Females of the World Unite!


So I found my job, my apartment and my bed on Craigslist--it's especially useful in the Bay Area because it started here and so has the largest number of users here. So I thought--why not a date. I've scanned the ads several times and never really found anyone particularly interesting; some were downright repulsive but so far that's about the same as a night at the bar.

It occurred to me that there might be people like me who scan the ads but don't actually place any and that us scanners would never find each other. So I placed an ad.

Oy vey.

I got a couple of guys who, rather than actually responding to my ad, seem to have just cut and pasted their own ad into an email. I got one guy who complained about the lack of a physical description in my ad because how else would he know whether I looked like Tyra Banks or a "jet black Nigerian gorilla" or words to that effect--he also said I had a vocabulary the size of a ghetto hoochie which I was insulted by until I realized he didn't mean I had the vocabulary of a ghetto hoochie but one that was large the way a ghetto hoochie was large.

I thought about revising my ad to point out that those replying to an SBF should ideally not be racist but I realized that this guy in all likelihood wouldn't have considered himself racist and so it wouldn't have helped.

Here's what's funny--everybody knows about the Asian fetish a lot of men have. I've heard many an Asian woman get up at open mic night at spoken word clubs and rail against these guys with lines like "I'm not your fucking China doll!" and I've personally known a lot of Asian women who were, rightfully, just repulsed and angered by the whole thing. What's funny is that there seems to be a similar racial-stereotype fetish for black women here. Lot of guys into black women, or rather what MTV has taught them black women are.

There's a little bit of disagreement about what exactly they're looking for--some want the "hoochie mama" look (and yes, they use phrases like "hoochie mama"--my favorite Craigslist post is the European guy who is really frustrated because the only women who seem to reply to lines like "I want a woman with an ass the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro that I can climb up on and ride" are hookers--this is the line he put in the revised, post-hooker ad, mind you) but a basically normal (read non-ethnic) personality.

Some want the full package of look and the hoodrat attitude.

Some inexplicably request a black woman but then describe someone who sounds a lot more latina--fair-skinned, long hair, etc.--which makes me wonder why they don't just request a latina.

What they all have in common is none of them are capable of seeing a black woman as an individual--a lot of the ads will address themselves to "black women" as if we were the borg from Star Trek (I wish more people knew this reference--it comes in handy so often. In case you don't know it, the borg was this species which was actually one single organism made up of millions of parts which appeared to be independent organisms but actually thought and spoke the same way all the time-something like that): "I'm really attracted to you" "I like your attitude and your love of life."

Now I get to experience some of the wild-eyed anger of my Asian counterparts--maybe I'll do some spoken word on it. Anyway, thanks to the fetish guys, I got more than one reply from a man who was so obviously not what I was asking for. They saw SBF, recalled whatever chick was in the last video they saw and replied to her rather than me.

Then there was the guy who called me feisty--I stopped reading after feisty; the guy who offered to treat me to a hotel room; and the guy who "didn't really understand my ad" but wanted to meet me anyway.

I guess I should stick to looking for inanimate objects on Craigslist.